Journal 5

Dr. Ekman said the most common reason people lie is they are trying to avoid punishment for breaking a rule. I never thought about that being the reason underneath the lie.  I also knew it wasn’t to get into trouble, but never thought about the punishment part of it.  I agree with what he says.  Reflecting back on my own life, I knew there were times that if I told the truth it seemed I got into more trouble than if I lied about it.  It was quite confusing as a child growing up this way. One incidence I still remember vividly to this day involved two of my brothers, their friend and me.  My mom went downstairs and was changing the sheets on my brother’s bed when she realized the mattress had been cut.  She immediately called my brothers down and confronted them with it. They denied it and said it was me. I was the youngest of the family and usually the scapegoat.

I remember going down the stairs and my mom asking why I had cut the mattress.  I told her I didn’t, because I hadn’t.  She didn’t believe me and kept telling me that I was lying and I needed to tell her the truth.  I kept persisting on my innocence, and was crying and sobbing at this point.  She continued to yell at me, telling me I was lying and I was for sure going to get it when my father got home.  My brothers did nothing to save me or come to my defense.  I was hurt by that as well.  After all they were my older brothers and they were supposed to protect me.  The truth finally came out when my dad got home from work that night.  The truth was my brother’s friend had actually cut the mattress with his pocket knife.  It was accidental, but nonetheless it occurred.  I looked at my mom and said, “See I told you I didn’t do it and you didn’t believe me.”  It took a long time for me to trust my brothers or my mom for that matter. 

If it takes 32 hours for a person to catch a liar, the complexity of lies and NVC are astronomical.  In order to learn to catch someone in a lie you need to pay close attention to the ‘micro expression’ as he called it.  Sometimes they are so subtle that if you don’t pay close attention you will miss them.  They usually occur when the lie and body is not in congruency with each other.  A simple shake of the head no, when trying to convince you of something else. Things we don’t normally pay attention because we are usually too busy trying to catch them, rather than observing what the body is actually telling us. 

The most interesting thing I learned from Dr. Ekman was that of the ‘micro expression’.  I learned that by being neutral in a situation and watching the story that the body was telling would in fact give me the truth about the situation.  I also learned not to focus on the catching part, but relax and let things happen.  People will always incriminate themselves.  Many are subtle while others are quite noticeable.  Another thing I learned was the decision to lie is made at the same time we decide to do something.  A very interesting and provoking thought.